shiny feathers

i have lived here before
i have walked into your rooms
i have stalked you
i have come halfway across the sea
to see you here
with your face all sweaty
& cold from arid breeze

you have lived here before
in my marrow
you have lived in my guitar
oh you have swallowed me alive
you have swallowed me alive

you seduced me in the kitchen
you possessed me in the bed
you undressed me in the mirror
your soul stinger
delivered the medicine
straight to my head

so let me know my mother is a stranger
let me know the unknown as my Love

my little color-wheel

spinning in my sleeping head

crystalline, then green, or red

and like an ether, neither

here nor there

when my heart was but a speck

of carbon, floating past andromeda

i had no need to reach

for you, for you

were in me, you were me

and then the death of being

born shattered us to pieces

scattered us like crunchy leaves

caught in the lawn mower

so now i do a slam dance

aching to compost with you, absorb

you into me again

one heart

one heart, you see

that’s what loving means

& the distinct, the separate we

is all perception playing tricks

i need your lungs so i can breathe

i feed your hunger when i eat

i need communion with myself,

the you in me,

we are just one, inseparable

so don’t believe that i don’t need you

your blood pumping through my arteries

it’s not codependency

it’s all a fallacy, you. & me.

there is no you, there is no me

we are just one pulpy being

and always have been

i don’t understand how you can run

so far away within this commonality

but i am weary of the worry

& tonight i let it be

i pray the morning will bring

morphing into true reality

of what we’ll always be

and always have been

since this thing called time began

one & the same

no fear no blame

no jealousy or shame

1 + 1 = 1

the epic of the gods

unfolds, a struggle

so many dead on

either side, so many

in love with a dead

man, James Dean,

Dionysus, Jesus Christ,

Elvis, Shams & Joseph

Smith, they all take

shits, they all take shit

they all make shit up

just like you & me

they love, they love

to be loved, be loved

by the living, i fell in

love with a dead thing

an idea of idealism

that was built of wood

with termite swarms

and ahh the way i felt

as it made its way down

i saw an opportunity

to move, an option

i don’t know is given

to the dead.

moving through this world, thick

with gods, wedging in between

the leftover dreams, the walmart

parking lot murders, faith healers,

unimaginably bad singing, like a

joke but they’re not joking, i have

fought my way through the labyrinth,

let my baby patch up all the holes

left by spearmen on the moors,

unwrap my cerebelum, hang my

mind out to dry, to take a rest,

here i am forging a river through

carpet, walking in between the ghosts

who run the world, the principalities

that pull me from my sleep like

zombie sex, i have a pill box that

says GOD IS LOVE, i’m always building

nests, let the insanity become a craze

so we can all wear our addictions &

our lunacy in style & in the magazines,

i’m ready for the Mama to return, to

set things straight.  those men are weak

with pale & caustic, clammy skin, i say

we fire them, i may sing for you but

remember you’re auditioning for me,

big booty bass, grand pianos singing

me the songs of holy grace, i am filled

& drained & filled again to pass it on,

Love - my heart leaves my chest to orbit

your smile like the sun,

i love you

i really do

set me on fire tonight while i sleep

a little boy

in black of night

left holding a scarlet gem

passed mouth-to-mouth

by wolves, sent

from the One;

knowing only to deliver

but not to whom or where;

he pushed crystalline edges

through his flesh, his best

attempt at safe harbor

as he walks, he opens up his

chest & gives it water

luminescent

the Glory is a Burning

the Blessing, Heaviness

got

to give

it away